I’ve been missing from this place for long now. Nityin has just inspired me to write something. He wrote a year-round-up on his blog. Well, here’s mine. It’ll be more of personal, rather than a global round-up.
Where do I start? Well, it’s been more than a year now that I’m on medication for depression and anxiety with the quantity actually fluctuating. I hope, I’ll be able to get rid of them this year at the earliest. The year started with gloom, with bickering as I had got separated with my wife. The year 2007 was bad for me. The gloom had crept into 2008 as well. By February, the stage was all set for a divorce. I managed to postpone it as Gudiya’s marriage was on the anvil – in April. It went off very well, with some sickened people trying to make a mess of it, and me losing my temper at the marriage. Any way, all’s well that ends well. She’s happily settled in her new home and I’ve only one worry that she’s pretty contended, as of now, sitting at home. I hope she’ll soon be able to start her education again and complete her PhD. I also hope that she’ll also find a job soon.
Hmmm… well by May, my ex-wife had come to terms with my cold shoulder that I’d been giving her with no reciprocation to her calls or filthy language she tried to circulate to provoke me. I just left her with her language and cheap tricks without any retaliation. I’m a short-tempered person and had never ever in my life left a chance to pounce back. But this incident really taught me how golden silence really is. Silence is golden. I killed her with my silence. The Indian law heavily weighs against the man, and I knew she’d no incident to frame me. So why give her an opportunity now. All incidents were loaded against her. She tried a hell of cheap tricks to provoke me and my family. Helped by my great diplomatic and silent father, I managed to sail the rough weather without giving her a chance to harm me or my family. Ultimately, she had to come begging to my door for a divorce. I was more than happy to give it to her and get rid of her. By mid-May, she’d taken all her things. Even the one’s I’d given her. Any ways I don’t regret that. As such I would have given those clothes to the beggars. Better that she took them. And by June 2, I was divorced and free.
Though I was free, but the sudden freedom did start a new hunt at home to cage me again. The hunt is still on. The label of a “divorced” is a stigma. Though some people do say that “nobody cares these days”. But that’s not true. More people care these days. Gone are the days, when girls were married off like sale of goats. Girls are more selective these days. But with all the happenings, I have no one to blame, just that “What ever happens, happens for good.” May be God or Durga Ma has something better for me in store.
All good things in good time. That’s all I can say. After one freedom, it was time for another freedom. I’d been feeling frustrated with HimVani - the way it was going on. I had different ideas and I could not bring people to a consensus. I thought of quitting it. Though some people did point out that I was quitting the battle ground. But I believe in one thing that at times it is better to change the battle ground. With me out of it, it did give me time to relax and look at life closely, which I wasn’t getting earlier with my hands full. Now, I’ve proposed to get in again but from a different route and take things step by step and change some things for good. Let’s see how things go.
Also, the year 2008 gave me a daughter. Funny! A 21-year-old daughter, Sakshi. I call her Dhatri and myself as Juiin. The earth and the moon are sister-brother. So I’ve named her by the popular fable in Himachal as Dhatri. Well, I miss her childhood and the more I look at her and the more I get closer to her the more I feel to have kids now. So that I can feel them, see them growing up, take them in my lap, play with them, nurse them, change their nappies and hear their cry and admire their smile and their laughter. Hmmm… when will I have kids? Even though I have a duaghter. Still I want kids as well. Actually babies.
On the education front, I got registered for my PhD in Journalism, though I haven’t decided my topic as yet. By year-end, frustration just crept in with some restructuring at the office front , which I’m not happy with. It has just made me look for a new job, even though the environment in the market is not conducive, with a halt on recruitments. Still I’m looking out. And my craving to get back to Himachal has only worsened. I want to be back in Himachal at the earliest. I did give an interview for a new launched magazine in Himachal. But they are really paying peanuts. It doesn’t even cover my liabilities.
What more? Yes, I have just got more religious. Even though superstitious. Thanks to my parents, who’ve got more superstitious after the failure of my marriage. They’ve started believing in more of patris and greh-sthitis. So it was year of pujas and more pujas. Even though I did them full-heartedly, I sometimes feel, what has to happen will happen. Though parents have an excuse – the affects are lesser with pooja. Anything to make them happier. This marriage-failure has also taught me not just to be silent but patient as well. This incident not only shook me but my parents as well. So they are already broken. So anything that gives them hope and makes them happier.
Though I did try to bring them around the table to consider Nisha as their daughter-in-law, but then these patris have again become a hurdle. Nisha too is reluctant in such a scenario. So what more? Let life come as it comes. 2009, here I am. Hope you’ll be good to me. Even though 2008 nursed me well, when 2007 hurt me.
This year I think I travelled to Mumbai, thrice. Two new places that I saw are Hyderabad and Bhopal. Both nice places. Even though Bhopal at places comes straight from the middle ages and reminds one of the Mughal era. Hyderabad’s new airport in Shamshabad is really world class though really about one and half hour outside the city. The earlier airport was in Begum Pet in the heart of the city. That has been given to the Air Force now. Another city that I visited this year though for the second time is Chennai. People seem to be really uncooperative towards the North Indians. Autowallahs are ready to cheat you. I think it’s everywhere. So no blame games.
The year also ended with a lot of travelling even though it was pacy. I visited Sarahan, Dharamshala, Mcleodganj, Dal Lake, Naddi Talnu, Jwalamukhi and Chintpurni. All these programmes were sudden. I believe, Durga Ma was extra benevolent on me this year. She called me, hence I went. Just be as benevolent on me this year too Ma. So where next? Up to you Ma…
NITYIN का कहना है:
जनवरी 2nd, 2009 at 4:04 अपराह्नVisit NITYIN
That was some year! By the look of what I have read, you have faced all odds head on! That is what makes a real man!! Bad phase in life cannot be wished away and you seem to have weathered the storm. Have patience my friend. Good times will follow.
I myself am skeptical about the patris. This is no fool proof method. in my case, Out of the 32 gun we are compatible with just 9. I had tailormade our patris to satisfy the elders at both ends.
and we are rocking the boat together. We all look to gods in our troubles. I found solace at Mahasu Devta temple at Hanol (quite near to your native place) during my troubles. I also suggest a darshan at Hatu Mandir near Narkanda of Ma Durga. It will now be accessible in April only after the winters are over.
Wishing you a happy 2009.
जुईन का कहना है:
जनवरी 2nd, 2009 at 4:24 अपराह्नVisit जुईन
Thanks for your comments Nityin. Sometimes, you cannot just argue with your parents, particularly when you had had your way earlier, and with a failed marriage, they’ve only to point a finger at my past as an example. They’ve this past where no patris were matched to point at. Also, I cannot lie. Even then, my long love factor is sceptical stating that there’s no point whence doubt has crept in.
Also, I respect all deities. But unfortunately, you know of these deities which have boundaries and don’t allow to visit the other deity. The case is not so exact in my case, that our deities – Kyanlu (is actually Lord Shiva) and Banaad do allow to visit other deities but as to be solutions-provider, they have the rights reserved with them. So whenever, whosoever has gone from our family to Hanol, we’d heard the deity saying that “ask your own deity.”
I’ve had faith in Ma. So surely I’ll visit Hatu. May be she’ll call me soon.
NITYIN का कहना है:
जनवरी 3rd, 2009 at 4:18 अपराह्नVisit NITYIN
Speaking of dieties, we have the Melan Devta (Melan is a name of village) and the Nag Devta. Our local Devta is Shirpar (pahari for Sherpal). Gods have a complete control on our lives here. I remember, when I was at Kotgarh, we had a lady engaged to milk the cows. Now some strange things started happening and my dad consulted the diety. He told that the lady was from the supposedly lower caste and he could not accept the offering made from the milk touched by her. My father offered to sell the cow but with the arrival of the baby, selling the cow was not advisible. I took to milking the cow first and later my wife took over. Surprisingly, all was well later once we starting milking the cow ourselves.