भीगी बिल्ली

Yes, I have been missing from this place for long now. Not that I don’t have much to write about. It’s just that would I want it to be a part of my history, if my book is ever written. And exactly is this question I have been posing to  her. What if she becomes a a celebrity one day, and a book is written on her. Not that she isn’t a celebrity already. She is one in her own sense, and loved by the industry she works in. Publishers and writers, one day may turn the pages of her diaries and find me there in juicy details.

I have posed this question to her as well jokingly many a times before. I’m a very private person. But in her words, a “bloody f****** self obsessed freak”. Fine. If that’s it, that’s ME. And if that’s true, I don’t want to be a chapter in her book. I’d prefer a book on myself. An entire book.

Do I have the right to talk about “us” to others — what we do or what we did? She posed me the question today. And I have been not too happy after that. A little muddle-headed. Some by the after affects of Maxgalin (Pregabalin) prescribed for my back ache, and some by the question she posed to me. Probably, I don’t as she said, it involves her and I should seek her permission before telling anything to the world. Exactly, I have been posing this question to her — does she have the right to share “our” relationship with others, with Season and Someone sounding like Legal, but not Legal. I don’t know on what premise is the name kept as there’s no such word in the Hindi dictionary. Anyway, so she’s been telling Season and but not Legal, the intricacies of our relationship and get some queer ideas of a seasoned person.

What’s right and what’s wrong. I really don’t know. Only time will tell. Sometimes I wish I had never owned up my love for her. Wish, I had continued with my “state of denial.” Whether I have the right or does she have the right, I don’t know. But the ultimate TRUTH is that it’s going nowhere. TIll then, let me also go nowhere and close those minds which ask do I have the right and does she have the right. Ultimately it is going Nowhere.

An afterthought: Do I have the right to write all this too?