Apna makes me Bheegi Billi

Shyalli ro goo laago bheda, se de kanda de po hogde.

That’s an idiom in our Pahari language, that literally means that a Vaid (a doctor) found out that a Fox’s excreta can be used for a medicine. When the fox came to know about it, she swelled with pride and in her ego, went higher up in the mountains to ease herself.

9XM – Bheegi Billi, Main hoon Bheegi Billi. Well it’s not a promotion for 9XM or Bheegi Billi. Just what Apna made me feel… A Bheegi Billi. I’ll call her Apna. The association started with Apna, a few days ago, when a proposal came to us from Forge Foundry, to document Lok-yores on our site HisOrHerVoice. It was by chance that I saw a picture of Yachna on Chirkut and told her that she’d changed a lot. So I traced her number in my phone-book and called her up. It turned out to be the number of Yachna’s elder sister Apna. Well, I was put on to Yachna and from her came to know that Apna was doing Am-Fill in HimHer Lok-yores from Jay-Noo. I was excited. Apna could have been a great help in our project, so requested for a meeting.

But Apna was too BeeZee; you know. But Apna did take out time one day on her best friend’s birthday. So me and my daughter, who was a ‘Witness’ to the meeting went and met her in Sasta in Defensive Polony. The meeting went on fine. In fact, there were many things I learnt about Lok-yores. Thought that we could mutually learn from each other. And Yachna was a good friend, rather a family friend of Ma. So I called up Ma and asked her “Hey Ma, what do you think? Can we take help of Apna for our project? She said, “Sure.” Or did she mean “Suar”? So I’d gone ahead and met Apna.

Through out the meeting, Apna insisted on how there was no money in Lok-yores and how it could not be commercialised and how she did not have time to help us out. But she’ll try after July 1.

As we moved out of Sasta, my Witness daughter shook her head. I asked for the meaning later. She told me – Apna won’t help. Still my Journalistic mind was optimistic. Patience and persistence… I said.

After July 1, I called up Apna again. She was BeeZee again. So called up after a few days again. Meanwhile, the meeting had woken up in me the suppressed interest for Lok-yores. And Apna had suggested for interpretation rather than just documentation of Lok-yores. I took the suggestion seriously and took up books on Indian mythology, spirituality to interpret Lok-yores better.

I called up Apna again. Meanwhile, I decided to do my Pee-Etch-Dee in Lok-Yores in Journalism. I thought Apna could be of help. So called her up again. She did “not have time to die.” I requested her not to die as we need her for the project and my Pee-Etch-Dee.

She even told me that she was looking for a job as a Cheater. I have a friend who’s a Cheater in DU. So I told her, Mukhda Tata could be of Great help as she’s a Cheater in DU and references work. So Apna asked me. Who is Tata? “A Bong,” I replied. Tata’s aren’t HimHers? “No,” I said. But Apna said she had one neighbour in HimHer, who were Tatas and Tatas are HimHers. May be she thought Tata as in Priety Zinta, Narinder Bragta, and myself as ….Ta – all Tatas are HimHers. Was it so? Any way, then Apna asked me – How do I know Mukhda? I told her, she was Cheater of my Ex-Knife. And incidentally, Mukhda was also separated. (I was Die-Worse-eeeeeehh). What an irony? Apna had a suggestion – Why don’t I marry Mukhda? Oh! I forgot, meanwhile, there’d been an Yachna: “Hey Ma, why did He Die-Worse?” May be Apna took pity on me, hence came the suggestion.

However, I talked to Mukhda that Apna was looking for a job as a Cheater and Mukhda told me – if Apna was looking for a job as a Cheater, she could call up Mukhda any time, as references work in this profession. So I informed Apna and gave her Mukhda’s number. But Apna never called up Mukhda. May be that was asking her to “die.” Remember? She didn’t have time, even to die.

Any way, a couple of days later, I called up Apna again. She was travelling, so could not talk, and she’d be home in an hour. Instead, I call up after three hours. She says “Yellow” and when I say “Yellow” from this side, She disconnects. I call up again, thinking the network was down. No response. So I send her an Yes-Mess, that whenever she goes to Jay-Noo, can she find me one book. I get no response. So in the evening, I call up again. No response. I call up again, thinking the phone must be lying here and there. No response. Finally, I send her an Yes-Mess again that I want to discuss my Pee-Etch-Dee topic with her. No response.

Finally, at 11 PM at night, I get a Mrs Call from Apna. My heart skips a beat. I call Apna back. Apna is angry, and is roaring like a LOIN… for the continuous calls I’ve been making to her. My heart forgets to beat, and this time skips many a beats. But I still survive. Even I don’t have time to die. She informs that she is a girl. (I thought, she was a boy and I was a gay and I was madly in love with her, errrr… HIM.) And she is too BeeZee and can’t help me out. And that if she is not picking up my calls that means she is BeeZee. Well, I was tempted to give her my peace of mind. “We journalists are just pursuant.” She’s not a News, Apna informs me. (Well that was News to me actually. Even that she was a girl… was News. It had to be Breaking News, Flash News or what ever…) I wanted to tell her that 11 PM was no time to call then, if she was so concerned about scruples. But as per Apna, she would not have been able to sleep that night had she not talked to me. Wow! I feel so IMPOTENT. But what about my Sleep then? Did she care… Will I be able to sleep after that? She has an advise too… “Please don’t take it to your heart.” I wanted to give her my peace of mind. But then I remembered Hey Ma. And stayed quiet. Apna told me that I had Intel(inside), so I should under-stand-sit. Whatever… I told her, well having Intel(inside) was not relevant to the topic. She said she worded it wrong. Rather I was Main-Chor, I should understand. I apologised “Profusely” to the BeeZee girl, and felt like a Bheegi Billi. Main hoon Bheegi Billi… 9XM

Well, later, I called up Hey Ma and told her that I wanted to lose out my peace of mind to Apna, and just because of her I stayed quiet. Ma asked, then why didn’t I? I have my own ways of doing things… So here it is… Let me tell Apna through these columns… I’m more BeeZee than her. I drive 1 hour to office and 1 hour back. Reach home at 3 AM in the morning at times, not from the disc cos but from Office. Read Books till 4 AM. Then even take out time for HisOrHerVoice. Write articles for that. Update the Plugins, the WordPress, the Scripts, Change the Home Page, Approve Comments, GO through Akismet Spam if some relevant Comment has not been trapped in it. Hmmm… there are othjer projects as well. Still get time for Social Work and still am able to help people who come to seek help. Gyaan baantne se badta hai. And still have time to act as Agony Aunt (or Uncle); and even get time to write this Trash on my Blog. At times, even write Poetry. Oh! Yes… I Chirkut also, and FaceDiary too and manage to get Linkedin. Answer mails – I love writing long mails. Now, I’m sure, I’d be able to squeeze out time for my Pee-Etch-Dee as well. But, yes, this all madness doesn’t allow me to go to the mountains to ease myself. So I use either the office/home wash-rooms, and at times, the Delhi Walls – away from the prying eyes of people, with a fear lurking at the back of my mind – Hope the MCD guys don’t catch me and challan me.

But I’ll manage it Apna… without your help… the project and my Pee-Etch-Dee. I have Intel(Inside). Well BeeZee Bee Apna, Best of Luck to you. And may you Bee always BeeZee.

I remember, Guru Nanak/Gobind Singhji’s story. Once passing through a village, the villagers just disrespect him and pay no attention to him and his followers. While leaving, Guruji blesses them “Base Raho”. In another village, the Guru and his followers are treated well and respected. While leaving, he curses, or was it a blessing? “Bikhar Jao.” The followers were amazed. They ask him the reason. The Guru says, “Well “Base raho, because they shouldn’t spread their pervert minds out; and remain restricted to this place.” And “Bikhar Jao so that they can spread their goodness and wisdom to the world.”

So BeeZee Bee, be BeeZee Always.

2 thoughts on “Apna makes me Bheegi Billi

  1. Ye Ma says:

    I never thought that ago of an intel inside was so interesting that when a person who was a outside witness to it and felt bad about it could laugh out loud while reading it.
    It was a great reading..Mmmmmmmm loughing it..carry on.

  2. Ye Ma says:

    sorry for the mstake in first line read ‘ago’ as ‘agony’, I wanted to corret it before I felt like a bheegi billi.

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