I have posed this question to her as well jokingly many a times before. I’m a very private person. But in her words, a “bloody f****** self obsessed freak”. Fine. If that’s it, that’s ME. And if that’s true, I don’t want to be a chapter in her book. I’d prefer a book on myself. An entire book.

Do I have the right to talk about “us” to others — what we do or what we did? She posed me the question today. And I have been not too happy after that. A little muddle-headed. Some by the after affects of Maxgalin (Pregabalin) prescribed for my back ache, and some by the question she posed to me. Probably, I don’t as she said, it involves her and I should seek her permission before telling anything to the world. Exactly, I have been posing this question to her — does she have the right to share “our” relationship with others, with Season and Someone sounding like Legal, but not Legal. I don’t know on what premise is the name kept as there’s no such word in the Hindi dictionary. Anyway, so she’s been telling Season and but not Legal, the intricacies of our relationship and get some queer ideas of a seasoned person.

What’s right and what’s wrong. I really don’t know. Only time will tell. Sometimes I wish I had never owned up my love for her. Wish, I had continued with my “state of denial.” Whether I have the right or does she have the right, I don’t know. But the ultimate TRUTH is that it’s going nowhere. TIll then, let me also go nowhere and close those minds which ask do I have the right and does she have the right. Ultimately it is going Nowhere.

An afterthought: Do I have the right to write all this too?

What do I say dear? I think the whole blog has been devoted to you and every word of it has been inspired by you… except for may be one or two postings. Else everything just revolves around you. And I sent you the link to this blog long time back. I just hope that you someday remember that and read all this. May be you’ll realise that day… I moved and promoted from those two lines to whole paragraphs just devoted to you. Just my dear that you have to take out time and read them.

For now… “Love you!”

What say you????????

— Frank Sinatra—

Well, Sinatra sang this song early in the ’40s or ’50s. But I don’t know… what had prompted him to write this song or sing it. Probably someone else wrote it for the heck of it and Sinatra sang it.

I believe he was wrong. After all he was (or is) a famous singer as his songs are famous today as well. So take it as it comes and believe him for the time being. After all songs are just fantasies, a romance…

And on the other hand there were these bunch of fools called Beatles, who bayed to the sky singing: “Can’t buy me love… I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love.”

Fools they were…

Then they go and sing…

I’ll buy you a diamond ring my friend if it makes you feel alright
I’ll get you anything my friend if it makes you feel alright
‘Cause I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love

I’ll give you all I got to give if you say you love me too
I may not have a lot to give but what I got I’ll give to you
I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love….

…Say you don’t need no diamond ring and I’ll be satisfied
Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can’t buy
I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love

Bay, bay, bay… Bay to the moon… you bunch of fools… who said… money can’t buy me love.

But truly ask me the definition of love and marriage…

LOVE: Love is about an ethical man… with principles and who speaks his mind freely, and one who stands apart from the crowd and dares to take the world in his stride or more precisely can care to damn the empty society norms.

Let me define marriage…

MARRIAGE: Money. Well, yes, you heard me right… money, money and money and more money. Marriage is more of a show-off. Love blossomed on those ethics, which defied and damned the society. But now marriage has to thrive on money and the society. You have to show-off.

- How long is your nose? (Abbe yaar mera matlab hai: Tumhari naak kitni unchee hai…? DIKHAO…) Dekho kahin katt na jae… SURUPNAKHA… says… “Bhaiya Ravan, meri naak Laxman ne kaat dee… Ram ko dand dena hee padega.”

- Bhai shaadi hai koi naatak to nahin jo chaar log lekar ke aa gaye. (Honestly, I don’t know, whether you want to collect people for a naatak / tamaashaa or a marriage.) After all we have to live in this society and we have to comply with it.

- Shaadi zindagi mein ek baar hoti hai, roz roz nahin… you should feel like a king or a queen…

Ask me… come on ask me… OK, OK, I’m just getting hyper and I know you would prefer silence… so I’ll deem it asked… so here I answer…

I would rather like to be treated as a king for my deeds rather than create a false aura around myself and feel like a king.

- The difference here is the FEEL and the TREATMENT

- The difference here is the I and the YOU

- The difference here is either ‘I’ feel like the naked king with a false aura around me and the ‘YOU’ who knows that I am really naked… still you put up that pretence to please me that I am in the most expensive and royal of the clothes… but there is that kid who will tell me that I’m really naked. Really.

Well if that was a part of the story… I also remember another story of Amrita Pritam… I really don’t remember the name of the story… but it was based on a Garwhali family… of a girl, whose father wanted to marry his daughter to a family who would give her a ‘naath’ of a certain ‘tola’ only. Nobody was able to match that. Finally one day he came across one. Now the girl was happy and was married off. The man every year as his income grew, added one more tola to the naath. This made the naath heavier year by year, which was painful for the girl. She did the house chores as she tried to balance the heavy nose ring. But as the man was rich enough and his prestige was at stake and he wanted to show-off his richness, it was mandatory for the woman to keep wearing the ring. After all how would his social status be known? It could be known only by how much tola’s nose ring his wife wore. Finally, one day, the nose piercing broke off as the nose couldn’t carry it any longer.

But what’s the moral of the story…? I really don’t know.

My problem is that I am too literate… Abbe yaar… zyaadaa padha likha nahin… balki literary… who has read too much of literature and is a romantic and who believes in too much of bookish language…

But isn’t it otherwise that the whole world is running after that MONEY? So where does that LOVE go? Remain in the books…. Where else?

Probably… you can add another Love story for our students to learn and ask questions… “Define the character of the protagonists…”

Another question could possibly be… “How does the author define Love and how does he define marriage? Write in 100 words. (The questions carry 10 marks each and both are compulsory.)

I often remember the film SHIVA of Nagarjun and Amla. Nagarjun is one guy who fights against the system and this character of his makes Amla love that guy. Love materialises into marriage and they live happily ever after… No, no, no. The problem starts now. The very character that had made Amla fell in love with Nagarjun, becomes the very element for the bitterness in their relationship. Now they have to be practical as he cannot afford to pick up those fights against the system. She doesn’t want him to fight any more. He has to be practical.

Now what is PRACTICAL and what was THEORY here. I have yet to define these two words or think over that… really!!! May be some other day! Till now… let me remind myself…

LOVE = ethics

MARRIAGE = Money, money, money and more money.